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A Joe in the Sights: Breaker

Breaker is the type of Joe who has come to chew bubblegum and kick ass…and he’s got plenty of bubblegum.

Breaker was one of the Original 13 Joes, which means he wasn’t the flashiest Joe. All of the original 13 skewed closer to traditional military colors, and Breaker was no different. He was the communications officer and apparently spoke 7 languages, one of which was the language of chewing. Because Breaker chewed gum. He chewed a lot of gum. However, this was weaponized gum. Not even General Flagg himself could get Breaker to stop chewing gum.

This was a man whose wubba wubba was Hubba Bubba.

As a kid I never had Breaker’s action figure. Unfortunately, a Joe who didn’t come with any weapons couldn’t hold up to Joes who carried gigantic weaponry, like Rock N Roll, or mysterious men in black like Snake Eyes. Breaker was a victim of a fickle time. When you’re staring at a peg full of toys and your choice is between guy with gun and guy without gun, you go with guy with gun because you’ve got to take out your simmering violence somehow, and that’s in small plastic displays of mass carnage.

Sorry Breaker.

However, age has streamlined those affinities, and I have a great deal of love for all of the Original 13 Breaker included. Breaker’s true badassery was in the fact that he could make that gum he perpetually chewed do whatever he needed it to do. It wasn’t just an affectation; it was a major plot point.

Breaker used the popping of gum through a loudspeaker to foll Cobra troops into thinking a neutered MOBAT was operational.

Breaker smeared gum on ropes that were restraining him so that rats would chew through them, freeing him.

Breaker was the MacGyver of gum.

Breaker’s appearance was inconsistent depending on the media. His toy had a beard—the kind of beard you don’t want to end up getting chewing gum stuck in. However, it is hard to tell if his card art has a beard or not. It looks like he has the hint of stubble but it’s hard to tell. In the cartoon, like the toy, he has a beard. In the original comic, he’s clean shaven, probably better to facilitate the maximum amount of bubble blowing that he pulled off.

So the ratio of beard to gum is in direct proportion. Meaning the more bubbles blown, the less beard. Which means he learned his lessons the hard way, probably through a hard night of tweezers and pain.

Some might say this is an odd digression to make in an article like this. I think it’s necessary to understand the man. Beard or no beard; will the real Breaker please stand up.

On the cartoon, Breaker showed up only a few times in the earliest of shows, and he was doing his whole communication thing there. He got replace by the Dial Tones and the Mainframes as the years rolled on. Breaker was unfortunately dial-up in a FIOS world, and couldn’t compete. And that’s ok. Sometimes you have to upgrade, update and shave your beard so the Bubble Yum doesn’t become a permanent part of your face. That’s life in the Joes.

Sometimes you pop the bubble.

Sometimes the bubble pops you.